A Simple Flight

Posted on 1 min read

They hand me a small disposable Purell Wipe as I board the plane. It’s a nice touch.  The entire boarding process is so remarkably smooth that the only changes I register are the anonymity of masks and the palatable decrease in cortisol being released on a plane where overhead isn’t a precious commodity and the flight attendants aren’t engaged in a Sisyphusian task of boarding an over-sold flight and getting it out with just enough time to allow another crew to scrape by the skin of their teeth. I know it’s not economical. I know it’s not practical. I know it can’t be maintained. But there is a calm that …

August, Again

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On cue, in the tail end of July, seasonal allergies explode inside my head. Growing up they called it hay fever. It happens when things start to die. Which means I was fine in the Spring. But in the Fall, everything breaks loose. All those fields of plants drying and browning in the sun with no concrete and glass to slow it down. More than anything hay fever reminds me of youth and home. They make me reflect on how my home was probably never a place I was made to live. I don’t remember having allergies in Europe. But here they’re crippling. Millennia of my inherited inoculation means nothing …

Sand Mandalas & Break-Ins

Posted on 2 min read

My car was broken into just now. It’s the 3rd or 4th time since moving into my house. This time they grabbed the prescription glasses from the center console, which is an asshole thing to do and I guess so sort of a last straw on the matter. The petty crime of daily life. It reminds me of Madrid. Or Prague.  For the longest time I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I lock my car all the time. And now I’m reading an article about tech that allows you to echo the signal from a fob inside your house. A repeater. I need to move my keys away …

Defense Mechanisms

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Quarantine is so fucking predictable for me. Caught in a house with books and music I’m slipping deeper and deeper into mental introspection… And so why fight it? Maybe that’s all getting older is. Not fighting so much. Because I still feel mostly the same things I did when I was younger. I just move through them a little different.   Defense mechanisms get a bad wrap because they often mature into maladaptive adult behaviors. Things that kept you safe from pain eventually hold you back. If there’s any doubt if this is something I’ve struggled with, I wrote an entire novel (Gen Y) about the topic. So, yeah, no …

Sunday

Posted on 1 min read

After a week of chaos, the quiet of this weekend is unsettling. I don’t know if it’s getting back to Minneapolis from Denver, or that the weekend slows down the tap of news and market data, but things seem suspiciously subdued. It’s quiet. Like a normal Sunday. But this is a forced imposed quiet. Maybe that’s what I need. It doesn’t feel natural. I don’t know if I like it. And what you like isn’t always what you need. I will say it’s nice to see everyone washing their hands when they leave the bathroom for a change. …

It Starts

Posted on 1 min read

Ozo coffee shop on Pearl St. in Boulder is the quietest I’ve ever seen it. All the tables are normally overflowing, and the cacophony of conversation covers up any of the ambiance. But today, half the tables are empty and I can clearly hear Dr. Dog playing over the speakers. So this is how it starts. Whether warranted or not, the fear has become very real, even in this landlocked city. And when the fear is real, the effects are real. I’m supposed to go to Germany next week for my daughters eighth birthday. I can feel that opportunity slipping away from me. Missing another birthday. That’s real. Someone in …

Post-Something

Posted on 1 min read

South America always drew a specific crowd when I was young. If Europe was partying in city-sized museums, then South America was magic realism. And I was not that person. Now, in this half-complete decade of my life, I’ve had the opportunity to explore more of South America. It’s beyond cliché to feel existentialism yield to the mystic. And yet I have to accept that my own resonate has changed. Buenos Aires is different than my other southern excursions. People like to say that it’s the “Paris of the South”. That it’s “European”. And yeah, I guess I can see it. But if it’s reminiscent of Europe, it’s familiarity swims …

6 AM Flight

Posted on 1 min read

I don’t like morning much (too much weird energy). But I missed my flight last night. So now I’m staring out over the giant fish bowl called the North Denver security checkpoint very early in the morning. And I feel only gratitude. It’s oddly restorative watching the system whir into life: The dozen security people moving and talking as if it’s not 4:30 in the morning, the hundreds of passengers silently delegating responsibility for the infrastructure that will jettison them across the country. It’s so intricate. So precarious. I feel lucky that I got to live through a period of time where something this delicate was even possible.   …

LA

Posted on 2 min read

For a place that is so incredibly beautiful, there is something about Southern California that I find relentlessly lonely. More than New York. More than any city of Europe. I find Southern California to be a terribly isolating and ungrounded experience. Which isn’t always a bad thing. There are times when it does a world of good to be alone. I just need to expect the sensation. Rather than stumbling through it for three days, wondering why I feel so off. The irony is that on the whole I find the people in LA to be very friendly (with a few extreme exceptions). On this trip one of our servers …

2019 – Year in Review

As I near the exit on 2019, I’m doing something that I don’t normally do: reflection (historically it’s rumination or bust for me). And what I find as look at 2019, is that it might be the best year of my life. Clarification- my adult life. Ten was fucking amazing.  And so I’m forced to confront the correlation between feeling positive and the dearth of writing the past few months. Yes, I was working on the novel for the last half of the year. But that was editing, not inspiration. That was basketball practice. That was going to the gym. All work, minimal fun. I don’t know yet if it’s …