Sometimes during the beautiful and loving moments with my daughter, I feel an anger and sadness come up in me, that I struggle to control.
Anger because distance creates scarcity. I lost so much time. It feels unjust that she lives 5,000 miles away. To love someone so profoundly and then to be separated from them. It is the most desperate kind of heartache.
For seven years I’ve wandered in that desert. I searched and sacraficed, until I finally arrived at ‘self’. And a new view of the circumstances.
Maybe this has been preparation. A costly but valuable lesson. If this had never happened, would I have been able to appreciate the time with her in the way that I do now?
Would I have done the work?
Maybe it took this loss to show up as a parent.