Recent Posts by Owen Sader

White Noise

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I’m having nightmares again. But not the predictive nightmares of murder and terror. These are of the type where almost nothing happens. They’re regular interactions and they make my heart ache. I have a dream where my grandmother, who died last year, is showing a quilt that she made to my daughter. She explains that ...

Detroit (Briefly)

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Landing in Detroit is oddly beautiful. The farms are small and divided in weird angles, and it looks more like Germany, than the perfectly efficient and boring farms I grew up around. The land itself is green and blue and lush, and bears no resemblance to the city itself. From up here it’s all hauntingly ...

Not Enough

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I cry on most of the flight home and I don't know why. Not weeping, just eyes watering, falling on the pages of the book I'm trying to read, or caught subtly in my sleeve. I can't say for certain why it's so hard for me. This isn't a new trip for me. ...

Where We Come From

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My hotel, the Schloss Wilkenhedge, is a “water castle”, which is a small castle surrounded by a moat in the countryside. After dinner, usually around 9 or 10, while the sunset is still intense, I go for a walk through the forest near the hotel. The trees in the forest are tall and thin, stretching ...

German Child Services

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I'm sweating through my jeans in a hallway in Germany. I'm alone in the hallway, there's an empty wooden chair to my right. I came here unannounced, and they've stuck me out here because they don’t know what to do with me. The corridor is thin and lined with rooms. I can hear voices come ...

Scrambled

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It's been a long weekend. I spent it with my sister in the Hamptons for her 30th birthday. I haven't had a running three day hangover in years, and the feeling is familiar, but with added effect. I used to feel that I could be mentally productive when I was hungover. There was belief that ...

Low Decibel Foreboding

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I’m obsessed and terrified with dying. When I was young, like most young people, I never thought I would live long enough to become old. The difference is that the feeling has not left as I’ve slowly moved towards middle age. It’s not that growing older has been harder than I expected, because in many ...

My Muscle Memory

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I’ve made the trip to Germany so many times, that the whole process has become akin to muscle memory. I board in the late afternoon in Denver, and fly to either Frankfurt or Munich (depending on the day). I work for the first couple hours and watch a movie when the meal is served. If ...

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